I know previously I wasn't feeling well...but it was the saddest I have been in a while, normally when I have days like this I usually just listen to Sonic music, or watch some shows to keep my mind off, or I bury myself in some artwork but I felt like not doing anything at all, and I started being bitter about the things I love.
But I did some thinking, last night I was so ticked off with certain things in my life and I just got angry at the wrong people, still trying to shut them out by being that mean person I was back then...and I realized while talking to someone that...why should I be angry at him when he hasn't done anything wrong at all? And I felt like I was back to when I use to be very cold towards people, just this time..it was a person who hasn't done anything wrong at all unlike the few who have wronged me.
After that talk we had, I felt better because I realized there was something missing between us, I guess that's why I was so mad at him...he's stubborn but heh...I like stubborn, so I picked the right apple off the tree huh? XD. But he told me that I should make some positive lists of what I have, and I shouldn't focus so much on the negative...just it sucks when the negative is there and around you but I have to realize that eventually things will get better and they will, and I've been so blinded by the depression that I didn't realize that there's so much to look forward to and to share with the people who love me and still stay with me and try their best to do what they can to help me.
I have a house, despite that it's a place that me and my father lived together...but I always think of the good times I had, I shouldn't feel worthless because I helped him when he was sick, and now that I am doing my best to take care of my brother unlike my family not doing much but just throwing money, and going about their lives and just telling and trying to get into our business like they think they're taking care of us, I'm still doing all I can to support him, I will say tho that the only thing I am grateful that my family does is pay the bills for us.
I go to school now for free and the advisors are really nice, they offered to give me an application for a scholarship which I can do and possibly have enough to pay for my books and a class I need so I can get paid again, something was wrong with my financial aid and I thought I wasn't gonna have enough for the year but that was taken care of...at least now, I know that I still have a future tho I am a little nervous about it...but I'm still trying to pick a path that's best for me.
I have good friends, who will always be there for me and willing to talk to me if something is wrong...they even do their best to help and I greatly appreciate it so, they help me a little better than my own relatives do and it's better than having absolutely no one right? Hell, one of them got me a Sonic Boom bag from E3...and my other friend already told me I'm getting Sonic Boom as an early Christmas present...I guess I do have such awesome friends
I know I say my art's not that good but I need to stop bashing myself because I know I can do good, I guess just lately with all the stress I've been having low self esteem again and I need to stop, I mean...I'm selling at 2 cons this year, and one of them might give me a name in history and I get to meet one of the people at the Archie comics, along with a few other famous artist...who knows, maybe they'll swing my name to be an artist for Archie Sonic (Well it's a long shot, but I can do my best)
I have a wonderful and caring boyfriend, who does his best to help me, even tho he can say some stupid stuff this is why I love him so much. Back then I use to feel so alone and I thought I would always be alone for the rest of my life, but he loves me and makes me feel less alone, he makes me laugh, he supports me in what I do and even tho I wish I could see him as much and I hope this year I do and I could see his good friend Itsalwaysfridaytome
I'm really glad as well that me and her are becoming good friends =3
Also, thank you
for trying to make me see things through, I'm really glad you can still put up with someone like me.
Not to mention...we're going to Sonic Boom together, and I know we're gonna have a great time, so at least I get to see him anyway
I guess that's all I could put, and I feel better...things are still hectic back home but it's not much of a problem lol, I know I will still have my moments where I feel sad but I have to know that there are people who care, and people who love me...and I have to keep believing that eventually everything will fall into place and that...I have someone who is still with me despite how much we kinda pick at each other, I know he does it because he cares.